AlphaBelle

Don't ask a PhD About Sex...Ask a Pro

2009-09-25T22:23:00.007-05:00

I like to read sex advice from time to time. Really just to get my jollies. I personally learned all I need to know about making a man's toes curl and his heart melt from a gay male prostitute and his boyfriend when I was a teenager. So,I always find it interesting when the person giving the advice is some sort of PhD. That's not a "sexpert." I say you go find a prostitute, pay him or her for an hour of their time, and ask them your questions. Not only will you get frank and honest replies devoid of the clinical jargon, but you get it from a real expert...not just someone who has read some books. It's the difference between asking a Soldier about war or asking a kid who likes to play Halo.

I was reading on Fox News the other day and saw this article in their most read section. It's about the supposed 7 things men fear about sex. First of all, no one should take sex advice from a woman with short hair who tries so desperately hard to look sexy (who knew cleavage could both collapse and be nearly non-existent?!). If a woman under fifty has short hair I assume one of two things about her. She is either completely oblivious to what men generally find attractive or they just don't care. Either way, is that really the person you want to be going to for advice on how to make a man cum so hard he simultaneously pops a hip out of socket and bursts a blood vessel in his eye from the intensity of the release? I think not!

But let's look at the Fox Sexpert's musings and advice, shall we?

1. He’s panicking about his size.
Many men fret about the size of their penis. They fear that they won’t measure up to a partner’s satisfaction or that their “Amazonian” proportions will be intimidating.

You know what, Ladies? This should be such a non-issue by the time you have sex. There are a million ways to do it, but find a way to get him to show you his cock before it gets to the level of actually having sex. While you're making out with him, fondle him firmly and tell him in your sexiest voice (or in a breathy whisper) how great it feels. After a while, if you're feeling brave, tell him you really want to see it. I've never met a man who wouldn't show his cock to a woman he was willing to kiss. So, when he does, take a very close look. Get down on your knees, examine it while smiling coyly at him and giving him compliments very specific to his cock. Don't lie or exaggerate, but make sure he knows how hot the sight of his cock makes you. That tends to alleviate all panic.

2. He’s worried that he’ll be a lousy lover.
Particularly in new partnerships, where lovers are still getting to know each other, he’s going to spend a lot of time wondering if his lover had an orgasm or if they're satisfied. Sadly, many lovers have trouble talking about their sexual needs, gratification, what’s working and what needs to be done differently.

Checking in with his lover is the best way to guarantee that he’s meeting expectations. Doing so further wins him brownie points since this is interpreted as caring for and having concern for your lover, which are such ego strokes! It also gives him the opportunity to let his own wants and desires be known.

I am of the opinion that you should never have sex with a man who hasn't already gotten you off at least twice prior to actual cock-in-pussy penetration (CIPP). I am huge proponent of phone sex. That way, you have to be vocal. He will get to hear every noise, every movement, every breathy sigh. He'll know exactly how you sound when you cum. There's always face to face mutual masturbation as well. You can see how your partner likes to be touched, where, and at what speed, depth, and rhythm.

If you don't already know these things before CIPP, you're not taking any time for the really fun stuff. Foreplay is not a dirty word. And when it's mutual, men tend to enjoy it just as much as women. This is the time for getting comfortable with telling your partner what you need, not when you're already fucking. It's a good way to kill the mood by saying something that completely throws your partner off. I'm not saying it's not good to direct your partner from time to time during sex, but knowing the basics beforehand eliminates the awkwardness of basic questions. And if you ever have to ask your partner if they came after all that...get a new partner.

3. He’s fretting that his timing will be off.
Is he going to release too soon? Or is he going to take too long?

The very best way to keep premature ejaculation from being a problem is to get him off before he fucks you. He'll last longer after he gets one out of the way. My favorite way is a good old-fashioned blowjob. Plus, if you love giving them half as much as I do, it will get you even more worked up and ready for him. If it takes him a while to cum...it's an even better excuse for extended foreplay.

4. He’s alarmed that he’ll lose his erection.
Thinking this practically guarantees that it’s going to happen. Men serve themselves best by reminding themselves that this is a perfectly natural occurrence on occasion.

If he goes soft while he's inside you...you're doing something wrong! Yep, I said it. Work those muscles and milk that cock back to life. Take it as a challenge. And if all else fails, get him to lay on his stomach, pull a leg up, and spend as much time as necessary with your tongue up his ass. I've never met a man who didn't get hard from a really nasty spit-filled rimjob. And if you just don't think you can do that...then I'm certain it's your fault he's going limp.

5. He won’t find his lover attractive once sober.
This one is easy – don’t drink or keep it to a minimum.

If you're fucking someone who has never seen you when they are sober then you're probably a whore or so drunk you won't remember his name tomorrow and none of this will be of concern to you anyway.

6. He might get her pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease.
This one is also easy. To minimize the risk of pregnancy or acquiring a sexually transmitted disease, use a condom consistently and correctly.

Men generally don't worry about this DURING sex. They worry about it AFTER sex. But if you're a chick and having unprotected sex, you should be even more worried about those things. A girl should always have condoms in her purse and inside a pillowcase on her bed if there is any possibility she might have sex. And learn to put it on the guy yourself. That way you know it's done properly.

7. He’ll come away disappointed.
From not having sex to not living it up like a porn star, not realizing his sexual expectations can leave him defeated.

If he leaves disappointed for any reason other than not having had sex then again, you have to ask yourself if you're to blame. It's your job to make sure your sexual partners enjoy their time in your bed and in your trio of holes. Just as it is their job to see to it that you have a great time. If either partner fails, the entire thing falls apart. That's just how it works.

I may not be a "pro" but I did explore the mind of one for a while and he did teach me all his best tricks. So, there it is. That's the advice I would personally give. But that's also why I will never have the job of "Sexpert" for Foxnews.com.

Feast of Dionysus

2009-09-22T00:17:00.001-05:00

Autumn has always been my favorite season. There is just something about it that makes me feel like staying home and curling up in front of the fire with someone special. Actually, it makes me want to do more that just cuddle. Considering the autumnal equinox is also the ancient Feast of Dionysus, the inspirer of ritual madness and ecstasy, I somehow doubt I am the only person on the planet who finds herself feeling even more amorous than usual during the Fall.

Living in the Deep South, summer is my least favorite season. Seeing it come to an end each year is always a reason for celebration. However, something I noticed a few years ago seems to hold true for me year after year. During the summer months when the sun is high and bright and takes up the majority of the hours on the clock, my libido goes into a state of hibernation. I've never been a fan of the sun anyway, but combine it with Southern heat and humidity and the fact that your clothes stick to you all the time from the moisture in the air, and feeling sexy is just not all that common for me. Until Autumn hits.

In the Fall months, I don't just find my libido hitting year long highs, I find myself feeling more animalistic than any other time. I often find my fantasies drifting to things like cutting and clawing and biting my partner...making them look like they have been mauled by a bobcat the next day. My thoughts drift to fucking on the ground beside huge, raging bonfires and against old stone walls in dark alleys of ancient cities. I tend to think about being watched by strangers in sleazy movie theaters or being DP'd in a night of double stuffed pleasure.

To tell you the truth, if things keep going the way they have been so far, I might just break another Hitachi Magic Wand this year. I find it amazing that those things are supposed to be unbreakable and yet I've already broken one and am likely on my way to destroying another. I can't help it though. Sometimes a girl just needs eight orgasms in a day. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way...and if I am, well, that's just a shame for the men of the world.

I'm off to try and destroy a sex toy now. I hope you all have a wonderful and lust filled day.

Carnival

2009-09-20T20:52:00.008-05:00

I've been doing a lot of research on Carnival and I've been having a hard time deciding which I would rather attend--Venice or Rio. I am going to one or the other in 2011. I just have to decide in the next six months which one so I can book a hotel. I think mostly it is going to come down to whether I am seeing someone. If I am, I think Venice will be the ticket. There's a definite flair of romance about it. Not only because it's in such a romantic city, but because there's the whole secret aspect to it. You wear a mask and attend balls. And you and your beloved are the only ones who know your true identity. No one else has a clue who you are. I think there is something extremely romantic about that.

On the other hand, Rio is all about debauchery. While it's true that it could be a cool place for a couple to go together, it's an entirely different vibe. That's not the kind of place I would want to take a significant other unless he was not the least bit jealous and wouldn't be upset if I wanted to dress a little scantily for the parades. Of course, he would also have to be kinda mean in case someone other than him got a little too friendly. I think there is a very small number of guys who could really fit comfortably into that role.

I've had plans to go to Rio for a while with one of my girlfriends. We were thinking we would take a couple of very large gay men with us to keep us safe and out of trouble. I am not sure I would want to be there at that time of year without some serious protection...trouble seems to find me.

One never knows how it will turn out, but to honest, I am kind of hoping for Venice.

The Beauty of Functionality

2009-09-18T22:30:00.003-05:00

For the last few years, my life has been in complete flux. Everything about me has been out of control, right down to a bacterial infection hijacking every system in my body. And I hate that. While I have not always been the most orderly person, I find myself yearning for self imposed structure. I need to be in control of my environment. I don't take well to relinquishing control of anything. I do like order. I think there is beauty in simplicity and organization. Unfortunately, nothing in my life has been either simple or organized of late.

This weekend I am going to spend many hours in my kitchen trying to reclaim the order. It's not that it's dirty or anything, but it's gotten to the point where plastic bowls fall out of cabinets when I open them. I could blame that on lack of storage, but honestly, there's no reason for me to have so many plastic bowls to begin with. It's not as if I regularly cook so much food that I need 67 bowls for leftovers and eight cookie sheets. Nor do I need three hand mixers and a large toaster oven that has been used once in ten years because it never gets really hot.

I'm not a hoarder because it's not difficult for me to get rid of things, but I do always find myself taking my sister and mom's kitchen hand-me-downs without a thought as to whether I will use them or have a place to store them. I think I just like "free." It's hard to say no to free things, even stupid heart-shaped muffin pans. So every couple of years my cabinets begin to overflow from all the free stuff. I suppose I get it in my head that I might need those silly muffin pans one day for something. I was a girl scout. It's that anticipating future needs thing, that I think is quite normal.

However, I do have a need to be prepared for things that most people would likely consider paranoia. For instance, I've been stocking up on non-hybrid, open-pollinated seeds of late. And here's where people think I'm nuts. It's not that I think these heirloom seeds are somehow better than their hybrid cousins, because they aren't. They yield a smaller crop and are less disease resistant. But, in the case of a major meltdown of goods and services, all you really need to produce food for the rest of your life, barring a catastrophic growing season, is one pack of heirloom seeds for each variety you wish to grow. Hybrid seeds do not produce reliable offspring. They are generally F1 hybrids which means they are the direct offspring of two different varieties of plant. And anyone who has studied genetics knows that you never know which traits are going to show up in the second generation or what kind of defect will appear. With heirloom seeds, they have been grown for hundreds of years and have consistently produced reliable offspring from seed. While I am not some sort of fruit loop who thinks the world is going to end next week, I do like to be prepared for the things that are within my power to prepare for. I also try to save things like pain meds and antibiotics when I have a prescription that I don't use all of for my emergency medical kit. It does come in handy at times. So if buying $20 worth of seeds makes me sleep better at night, I think that is a wise investment.

I know I've spoken before about my love of cooking and growing my own vegetables and herbs. And going through all the seeds catalogs has only made that grow stronger. I have decided that the next property I buy, even if it is not on a huge plot of land, will have a few raised growing beds. I tend to prefer them for many reasons. First of all, if you kneel down on the ground beside them, the plants are in just the right spot to be at eye level. You also don't have to worry about back aches from spending hours on end bent over pulling weeds or picking. You never have to till the ground. It stays pretty loose but even if it doesn't, you can break it up with a shovel. And last but not least, they are just a lot more aesthetically pleasing.

I would love to take a half acre of land and just build different size and shape raised beds with beautiful stone paver surrounds, with a big patch of grass in the center for my dog. Much like the picture to the left. I think it is quite lovely and functional. That's really my thing. I am not one for things that are just pretty. I like those pretty things to serve a purpose.

Remembering Christian Adams

2009-09-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

On the morning of September 11, 2001, a 37 year old German husband and father boarded a plane bound for San Francisco. He worked for a wine distributor in Germany and rarely came to the United States. But circumstances had worked out so that he could attend wine tastings on both the East and West Coasts that week. Unfortunately, he never made it to the second of those tastings.

By all accounts, Christian Adams was a man who never felt a job was beneath him and never acted as if he were better than anyone else. He was an important man at the company for which he worked, but he never minded rolling up his sleeves and carrying cases of wine to help out, according to his co-worker, Carol Sullivan. Having been married to a wine distributor myself at one time, I can tell you this is a very uncommon trait.

While there are bits and pieces that are known about what happened after Flight 93 left the Newark, New Jersey airport that day no one knows all the details. I won't try to guess what role Christian Adams played, but I have to imagine the overwhelming sense of horror that must have possessed him when he realized he would likely die in a foreign country, far away from his wife and children. I have to imagine the grief he felt knowing that his family would have to fly halfway across the world to visit the place that he died.

I've tried to imagine what must have been going through his head as the plane was overtaken by terrorists. I can't fathom the fear that must have set in. I remember all the confusion in my mind that morning and I had hours and hours to try and piece everything together. The passengers on Flight 93 only had a few minutes. In just over thirty minutes, the plan to retake the plane had already been implemented.

When the passengers broke into the cockpit of the plane, they knew the likelihood of their survival was exceptionally small. But they also knew their fate had already been sealed when those terrorists boarded their flight. What they could do is go down fighting. And that is what they did. The passengers of Flight 93, including Christian Adams of Biebelsheim, Germany, became American heroes that day. I think that word is thrown around a lot. But in this case, I believe it fits. These passengers acted heroically in the face of great personal danger. And as an American I will always be thankful.

Please visit the Project 2,996 website for tributes to others who lost their lives on 9/11.

Oysters, Little Oysters....

2009-08-27T13:47:00.006-05:00

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes- and ships- and sealing wax-
Of cabbages- and kings-
And why the sea is boiling hot-
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed-
Now, if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

~Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking Glass

Does anyone else get the feeling that we are being promised great and wonderful things only to be led down the path to our own demise? I would hope I'm not the only one, but if I am, I guess that just means I'm crazy. Crazy can be fixed with a pill. I have this sinking feeling that what is going on with the crazy out-of-control spending in this country will not be fixed so easily...if it can ever be fixed at all without becoming the United States of Western China.

You know, if I was a conspiracy nut, I would start to believe that someone in the White House has a deal with the Devil (or is farming some internal covert ops out to some top notch soldiers of fortune). The day that Cap and Trade passed the House of Representatives both Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson die completely overwhelming the news cycle for at least a week. Within two full work days (since it wasn't released until after 5 on Friday) of the news that Obama's estimate of the ten year deficit was at least 2 trillion dollars off, Ted Kennedy dies and again, the news cycle is overwhelmed. One more time and this becomes a pattern, not just coincidence. But I digress.

The problem here is spending.

I realize this may not be a popular thing to say in our society but debt is killing our country because we are a culture of people who live beyond our means. Our government only spends this way because we allow them to do it. And we only allow them to do it because we do it ourselves in our own personal lives. At least most people do. I'm certainly not immune to this problem. I have about $23K in debt right now between student loans and my car. But, I have a plan to be out of debt completely within the next two or three years. I do not even have a credit card and I live on a very strict cash only budget.

It's not fun. It's not easy. And there is nothing sexy about it. But in a couple of years, every penny I bring in will be mine to keep. I will owe no one. And that is something I find terribly sexy. I'm also working on my first novel and hope to have it finished within a year. My agent seems fairly certain he can get me a decent advance on it and if that comes through, I will have a very nice start to my land fund. And within five years, I hope to be able to pay cash for a big chunk of land and put a nice little house on it. This is without factoring in any money I might earn from the book. So all that would be icing.

People think I'm crazy for living where I do right now. There is nothing glamorous about my home. It is kind of falling apart, to be honest. Not in an unsafe or unsanitary way, of course, but most people would want something nicer. I kind of like it. Every day I walk in the door I am reminded that I pay no rent. The house is the one I grew up in and was sitting vacant after my Mom remarried. Free=Perfect. I hated the cooling bill in the summer, because being in the deep South, the central air was running non-stop. My power bill was over $200 a month in the summer. So, I moved my bed into the dining room and hung a pretty curtain over the hallway entrance from the front of the house. It leaves my bathrooms in the back without air conditioning, but it never really gets sweltering back there. And by arranging things so I basically am heating and cooling the area equivalent to a studio apartment, my power bill is never more than $100 even in the hottest part of summer. I use an energy efficient window air conditioning unit to keep the living room, the kitchen, and the dining room/my bedroom cool. Just that one little change gives me $100-$150 every month to reallocate wherever I may need it.

There is always somewhere in your budget from which you can pinch some money. So why don't more people do it? It makes no sense. Keep your money. Pay cash for things. Get rid of all the debt you can. Don't let one more bank or credit card company make 13% interest off you. The problem is that we want what we want when we want it. We have lost the virtue of patience. Food, shelter, and transportation. Those are the things we *need.* Everything else, save taxes and medical care, is optional. Buying new clothes every month is not a necessity worthy of breaking the cash only rule unless every single article of clothing in your closet is too small. Too big, is fine...wear a belt until you can afford to spend cash for new clothing. Or instead of buying new clothing, pay someone a small fee to alter your favorite outfits. Have your shoes resoled instead of buying new ones if they are good shoes and still in good shape otherwise. To me, it just makes sense. To my sister, it sounds radical. I guess it just depends on where your priorities are. My priority is having everything paid off so I can live any kind of life I want without being a slave to debt.

So my question is this: Why can't our government do that with the pocketbook we stuff for them? They absolutely could, if there was incentive for them to do so. But why should they when we sit here with our hands out begging for scraps of the meal we paid for and prepared that they then took from us?

Of the stimulus that was so urgent to pass that no one could take time to read the bill or debate the contents, there is still $377 Billion dollars that has not been spent, is not in the process of being spent and is not set for tax cuts. It obviously was not as important as previously stated. Why is it such a radical idea to Congress not to spend every penny that they are authorized, by themselves, to spend? And why do we keep following these fools? Are we just hapless little oysters following the charismatic Walrus to our own demise? Or are the old, wise, Mother Oyster who just shakes her head knowingly, choosing to stay in the safety of her bed while the daft young ones wander off to their death?

40 Lashes and a Box O' Porn

2009-08-05T14:12:00.003-05:00

Spankings sound like a very simple thing. Give a little slap with an open hand to a bare ass and voila! But it's really not all that easy. There is a certain skill to it. And to be honest, there have only ever been two men who spanked me properly. Most men are too scared of hurting me to ever do it hard enough for my liking. If I don't have bruises the next day, it wasn't a good spanking. But if the skin is broken or the guy has hit too close to the hip bone, I'm a very unhappy camper. It's a fine line.

I was reminded of this when I was scanning through a DVD of what I call "couples porn" this evening. Honestly, it's the kind of porn I will pop in the DVD player if I am battling my insomnia and need something that will put me to sleep. (You think I'm kidding, but I'm actually quite serious.) I mean really, how many times can you watch a girl give a twenty minute blowjob using just the tip of her tongue? Boring! Well, in one of those movies there was a guy "spanking" his supposed girlfriend. He was doing the 'cup the hand, barely strike and then grab the ass and shake it a little' move. For the record, that is just fucking lame. If your hand does not automatically bounce back off the girl's ass with a good amount of recoil force then you obviously did not strike her hard enough. Doing that half spank, half grab bullshit will just make us dread all the other lame moves that are without doubt on the way.

Really hard spankings always seem to get lumped in with the heavy discipline porn, which I do not care for. The only way I could ever consider the whole control/discipline BDSM stuff is if I were madly in love and trusted my partner completely. Then it would just be a gift for him...the gift of my submission (which for an alpha is a HUGE deal). But it's never something I would necessarily want to see in porn. It's not appealing to me in that way. But throwing in some decent spankings in regular porn might make that crap more interesting. From the women I've talked to about the subject, most feel the same way I do about a firm hand across the ass.

For me, spanking is not about submitting to anything; it's about all those vibrations going through the muscles and the stinging of the skin and the heightened sensitivity of the entire area because of all the stimulation. It just feels good. But try telling that to the porn folks. They always want to throw in the whole 'Daddy' thing while the girl is getting spanked. I never got that either. The very last thing I want to think about while naked is my father!! Ewww!!!

Flipping through my porn collection, I don't really have a lot of porn that a guy would necessarily want to watch. At least not a perfectly straight guy with no bi-tendencies. But as I was telling a friend of mine the other night, if a girl is watching porn, a guy could always just watch her if he didn't like the XXX flick she wanted to see. Isn't that the fun of it anyway? One of my friends was flipping through my collection (I have three of those DVD binder things with sleeves full) to see if I had anything he wanted to borrow and he just about choked on his Rum and Coke when he got to the third binder. It was mainly gay porn. And I don't mean lesbian. I think he might have gone home and boiled his eyes out with peroxide.

But that led me to think about the what-ifs. I think about those a lot. And I came to the conclusion that I really do need a better storage system for my toys and porn than just a big black toy chest on a wrought iron stand at the foot of my bed. I do live alone so I don't usually worry too much about what I leave laying around. But every now and then my grandfather will let himself into my house while I am at work to do some kind of maintenance or pick up my dog to go play with his. Plus, if I get killed in an accident or something my mom could get over the toy chest, but some of the porn would leave her shaking and hugging herself in a corner for quite some time.

So I hopped online to see what I could find and found this. It's a storage device for 100 DVDs expandable to 500 and it is all controlled via USB to your computer. You can even password protect files and DVDs. It sounds like just the thing. In a few months I may pick one up and see if it works as well as it says. Upon my death, I do have a porn plan and a friend to execute it. But they may not tell him until after they've been in the house and started going through things. What can I say? I was a Girl Scout. I try to be prepared....for anything. That philosophy has served me well in life. It's also served my companions well, but that's a story for another time.

Sex and the Single Girl

2009-08-03T00:52:00.001-05:00

Most of the time I am pretty sure I was born in the wrong generation. Anyone who has read more that one or two paragraphs of my blog probably finds that as no big surprise. However, my views on sex tend to confuse people a little bit.

A little background...there was a time when I used to work for a large website where I was paid to give sex and relationship advice on everything from how to ask a girl for her phone number to how to give a toe curling rimjob and prostate massge. So, I'm certainly no prude. However, that in no way means I'm going to open my legs to any man who takes me out to dinner three or four times either.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I have never had sex outside of a long term monogamous romantic relationship. I have. Quite regularly for a long time. But what I haven't done is have casual sex. I have loved every man I've ever been with. It may not have been a romantic love, but there was love...whether friendship or romance, I have always been connected to that person in some way. There are, however, things I have never done. Things I have saved for one man who has yet to make himself known to me. There will be "firsts" for him. I think that is important. Every man or woman wants to feel special. Everyone wants to be first at something.

I was having a conversation the other night with my best friend. He was telling me about the overactive sex life of a mutual friend of ours. It takes a lot to make me feel icky but hearing what our friend has been up to (and into) of late really disturbed me as well as my best friend. He has gotten to this place in his life, in the mid-life crisis years, where he suddenly finds any woman who will open her legs to him worthy of fucking. I think that is just sad. But not only will he suddenly fuck anything that moves (which has never been his style), but he doesn't seem to have any use for a woman unless she is spreading her legs for him...including me. He and I had a falling out a few months ago because he somehow thought that by saying, "Hey Belle, I really need to get laid. Can you help me out?" That I would just fall over with my legs up. Of course, it didn't elicit that response from me, and in return, I got to hear how I am not a good friend and am never there for him when he needs me. All because I wouldn't fuck him. It's sad really. It's sad to see someone become less than they were.

No one wants something that everyone else has had. Some guys even think that women find the whole 'player' attitude/lifestyle to be attractive. That the more women a man has been with, the easier it will be for him to satisfy her in bed. But most women I know, except the ones with very low self esteem, are turned off by the idea. I don't want someone who can be had by any woman willing to open herself up to him. What does that say about me? How does that make me even the least bit special?

If a man tries to have sex with me on the first 'date', I won't go out with him again. Of course, I avoid most of this by mainly seeing men who have worked their way up from friend to romantic interest. (I know some people believe that once a man is placed in the friend category that he will never leave there, but after a certain age, I think that is untrue.) I'm a fan of foreplay--emotional foreplay, intellectual foreplay, along with the physical foreplay. I need all three from a man. And you just can't get that from a stranger. If I just want to get off, I am more than capable of giving that to myself. And I do so on a daily basis. In order for me to want to have sex with someone, they have to be able to give me something more than that. Otherwise, why even bother? I can stay at home by myself, get off as many times as I like, and never even have to shave my legs or fix my hair.

If I have to ask myself if the guy will respect me in the morning, then there is no way I am getting naked with him. If I don't know him well enough to know that we're going to do insanely kinky things to one another and then laugh at it over breakfast, then I am keeping my panties on.

After a certain age, it seems that men (and some women) forget how good it feels to just make out and then say goodnight. The anticipation is the best part of foreplay. The build up. Never knowing for sure if tonight is the night. The guy giving the girl his best moves and most focused attention for hours on end trying to get her in the mood for more. The girl trying to keep the guy all hot and bothered without letting it go so far as to become painful for him. As we get older, people want to just jump right into 'the main event' without giving themselves time to fully enjoy the warm up act. And sometimes, that warm up act is a lot better than the main attraction. I mean you already know all those tunes. There is always something new in the warm up though. That's where things get most inventive. That's where you can tell the truly passionate from the lazy lovers. Anyone can fuck. But it takes real skill to wait.

2009-07-28T11:47:00.002-05:00

I adore Tim Burton. I can't wait until Alice In Wonderland comes out. March 2010...hmmm...Hey, I'll be past my self-imposed celibacy phase by then so I may even get to go with a gentleman friend. Yay! (I have not really enjoyed the two years of no men thing. The things we do for our careers...)

Life Made Simple

2009-07-24T23:53:00.001-05:00

When I was married I had a lot of material possessions. We had a huge house in the best part of town. We had very nice vehicles, expensive furnishings and state of the art electronics. When I left, I had all of these things...random possessions...and no real idea why I had most of them. I had two giant boxes of unopened, unburned candles in various colors, scents, shapes and sizes. I had twelve boxes of Wizard of Oz collectibles. I had decorations for six different themed Christmas trees. And at some point in time, these were all things I thought I needed. Of course, eight years later, most of those things are still in the same boxes they were packed in for the move. However, over the last couple of years I've been simplifying my life one possession, one box, one room at a time. I'm nowhere near finished, but I'm closer than when I started.

I wonder if this is a sign of age or just a sign of my need to not be tied down by too many things right now. For most people my age, they are accumulating possessions, driving SUVs, having a brood of children. And I think that's great for them. But that's not where my life is.

I'm thinking of making a big move this year. I'm not sure where yet, but it will likely be out of the South. I seem to appreciate it much more when I live elsewhere. And the heat is just not my favorite thing. I like cold and dark. Real estate agents love me. I always ask for the darkest, most cavernous house they can find, which is the complete opposite of the usual "light, bright and airy" most people request. By the way, those are the three most over-used words in real estate. Seriously people...time to unpack your adjectives!

When I move, I plan on buying. But this time, I won't be buying a big house. I won't buy another condo. I will buy land. Every time I go to my Mom's house, I am reminded just how much I want to own large amounts of land. She has about 100 acres. It's beautiful. I love being there, on top of the hills, looking out over the valley and the pond surrounded by all those huge trees. It's really a sight to behold. That's what I want.

I realize that in order to have that, there are sacrifices I will have to make. I certainly won't be able to buy really close to a city. And I won't be able to have my dream home. But that doesn't bother me as long as I have land. The house can always come later. And I've found a cute little 700 sq ft house I can have built for a minimal amount of money. Honestly, as long as I am unmarried, there would be no need to have anything larger than that anyway. And I think it is adorable, don't you? It has two bedrooms, two baths, a living room and a full kitchen. I would be more than happy with that. Besides, I like the idea of it. A cute little cottage in the center of 50 or 60 acres of land, with a hand-built river rock hip height wall around a little courtyard. A long meandering tree lined drive around a little pond and through a tall arbor that drips flowers in the Spring. (I'm Southern...we tend to be a bit dramatic and grandiose.)

It's probably just a phase I'm going through, but for now, I really like the idea of not being tied to too many things. I think most people go through that much later in life, but I've always been a bit ahead of the curve that way.

Drugs = Drama

2009-07-21T23:16:00.000-05:00

One of the guys at work overdosed today. He's on a ventilator and he's not expected to live. Of course, his wife (a junkie in her own right) is blaming everyone under the sun other than herself, for facilitating and encouraging his addiction, and him. She yelled at me several times today saying I was being cold and nonchalant. How is one supposed to react when a person they are not close to does something as selfish and stupid as overdosing?

Normally, I am an incredibly empathetic person, but not with things like this. My father was a drunk and a drug addict. He died last year. I found him--naked, cold, and laying in his bed. The autopsy said the drugs in his system caused paralysis of the lungs. I made the 911 call. I made the arrangements. I boxed up all his things. I handled everything. And I felt awful. Not because he was dead, but because I didn't feel worse about it. I mourned him a long time ago. I knew that end was coming, I just didn't know when. And our relationship was complicated and hard (for reasons I won't go into here).

So if I couldn't feel sorry for my own father when he overdosed, how could I feel sorry for this guy I barely know who was just in my office yesterday trying to bum money for drugs...no, excuse me "food for his kids?" I don't know. I don't understand that mentality. I have that Type A personality thing going; I don't like being out of control. Drugs and alcohol are not fun to me. I like knowing what is going on around me. I like being able to assess any situation and tackle a problem at a moment's notice.

We all have our issues, our own personal drama. But I'm one of those people who believes it's not anyone else's responsibility to deal with that drama unless they willingly take you into their heart. If someone loves you, your drama becomes their drama, like it or not. But that doesn't apply to acquaintances. Unfortunately, my ideas about those things seem to be the minority.

Tomorrow will likely be filled with even more of the same. I'm not looking forward to it. It's very difficult for me not to push back...hard...when someone is in my face. I can understand that some people lash out when they are hurting. (I become very introverted because I don't like showing weakness. I only share my problems with people I am extremely close to.) Maybe it makes me a bad person and I do realize my position is fairly harsh for this society, but when someone does something as destructive as taking so many drugs it shuts their entire body down, they obviously don't care about their life, so why should I?

Women and Politics: An Ode to Testosterone

2009-07-15T12:13:00.010-05:00

From RosieRed23 in the comments of the prev ious post:

"Why are there only six female governors? Why do women make up more than half the population of this country, but just 17 percent of the seats in Congress? Is that something you can just excuse away?"

In order to survive in politics, a person has to be assertive, aggressive, dominant, and have the ability to compartmentalize emotion. Basically they have to be an alpha. Just like in a wolf pack, no one is going to follow someone who displays even the slightest amount of insecurity. This doesn't come easily to most women. There's nothing wrong with being a beta. It just isn't all that suitable for politics. You get your feelings hurt. A lot. An alpha is capable of brushing that off and moving forward. A beta will call a press conference and cry or complain in front of the cameras. That's not to say there aren't alpha females in politics currently. There are. Just in Congress a few come to mind: Kay Bailey Hutchison (TX), Marsha Blackburn (TN), Dianne Feinstein (CA), Michele Bachmann (MN), and even (God help me!) Nancy Pelosi (CA).

Alphas have always run the world. It's no different in modern times. Most people want, even need, a leader. It's not a matter of male or female. Look at Angela Merkel of Germany or Cristina Kirchner of Argentina. People follow them because they inspire it. They lead. They don't ask to lead or complain about an uphill battle. They just lead...and everyone else follows. It has little to do with their actual gender. It works the same way for both the male and the female. The rest of the pack always needs an alpha dog.

However, it would seem to me that the alpha drive isn't as common a trait in women because women generally have low testosterone. There have been studies done stating that "women who are confident, assertive, influential and with a strong sense of self have high levels of testosterone" (and generally give birth to sons, but that's neither here nor there). Testosterone does seem to be a key component in what pushes men to excel:

Despite testosterone's explosive reputation, there's no solid evidence that it causes aggression or violence. On the contrary, heightened testosterone is often associated with self-confidence and social success. Testosterone levels typically increase to ready us for a challenge, whether it's a football game or a chess match. Testosterone also rises after a victory, causing an increase in confidence that often leads to even more victories, the so-called winner effect.

Testosterone is linked to dominance. In order to succeed in politics, you have to be able to put people at ease, let them know they can rest safe in their beds at night as long as you are guarding the gate. You have to be the Alpha. Men come to that easier...by nature. It's not better or worse, but there is a certain set of skills a lot of men are born with that women must acquire in order to compete politically. Non-alpha politicians tend to fall into the "pleasing" campaign. They want to be all things to all people. Alpha politicians don't generally do that. They sell themselves and nothing more. The idea of changing themselves in order to appeal to more voters is just absurd to an alpha. They have never had to change anything about themselves in order to get someone to follow, so why start just to get elected? They wouldn't see the need.

That's a dead give away in politics and a fatal flaw of most female politicians. When the focus becomes their new makeover, they are destined to lose. A true leader would think he or she was already as good as they could possibly be and find the need to remake themselves an utter waste of time.

Personal Postscript: From my own experience, I can tell you that testosterone does seem to make a difference in women, or at least in me. All my life I've had above average testosterone levels for a girl. My libido rivals that of every man I've known. I never back down or get intimidated by someone bigger or stronger or even smarter. I will go toe-to-toe with the best of them. By the age of twelve I was the alpha in my home.

However, for the last two years, I've had some health problems that caused nearly every system in my body to go wonky. My hormones have been out of whack. My body temperature has been really low, as have my fearlessness and moxie. That is not like me. I have always been a very dominant, confident person (except with someone I feel comfortable enough to bare my throat to).

Throughout the process of trying to find out what was wrong with me, I had huge batteries of tests done and something interesting showed up. When I was at my lowest confidence wise, my testosterone level was the lowest. As I began to feel better, my testosterone level went up as did my confidence. Leading me to believe that without the testosterone, I lost my Type A personality. When my hormones started getting back to normal, my strong personality came back as well. Granted, that could be coincidence, but given the studies I've seen and a long conversation with a genetic engineer and two different doctors, I think there's at least some validity to the argument.

The Funeral of Feminism

2009-07-13T22:39:00.010-05:00

Well, it seems as though my little piece on modern feminists has drawn a little attention.

I understand the anger, partially. When I was in my early twenties, I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was a liberal arts student studying existential philosophy and the women of Harlem Renaissance literature. I went to NOW meetings and hung out at coffee shops. (Although in the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you I never went to Lilith Fair. If I had, my steel toed combat boots with the Black Flag bars would have crawled out of storage and kicked me to death in my sleep.) I bought into the rhetoric. I believed I was fighting the good fight and banging against that proverbial glass ceiling. But the deeper you delve into ideology, the more disjointed it usually becomes.

I knew a lot of so-called feminists back then who spent many hours of their day talking about gender equality. But I saw the way they treated men with my own eyes. I heard the conversations about how men were merely a utility and as soon as sperm could be created artificially they would become a slave class. I didn't hear this type of talk from only one source or group. Most would say it jokingly, but it never did sit right with me. Equality was the very last thing they wanted. They wanted superiority. They wanted dominance over men.

Over the years, my understanding and appreciation of men has grown. I imagine that is the way it is supposed to be as you grow into maturity. I listen to them now whereas I couldn't get beyond my own bullshit when I was 22. And in our society, being male (especially if you happen to be a heterosexual Caucasian male), you are pretty fucking far behind the 8-ball. No one cares about your rights.

If there is a domestic dispute, even if the man never laid a hand on the woman, if she says he did, he's going to jail. If a girl gets drunk at a frat party, goes home with a guy that's not her boyfriend and then cries rape in the morning...the guy's life is over, regardless of the outcome. If a man and woman go to court over custody of their child and the woman is a complete meth whore and the guy is a CPA with no criminal record, he's still not very likely to get custody. If a female Army Captain says that a low level male NCO made a crude comment in her presence, his career is in serious trouble even if he didn't do anything wrong. And yes, I've had friends experience all of these scenarios.

There are two sides to every story. But people rarely listen to the male side. If they speak out about it, they are branded "sexist." If they try to fight back, they are called "monsters." If they just want to be left in peace to enjoy their beer, meat, and porn, they are "chauvinist pigs." With the exception of two, all my close friends are now and have always been male. (Although I am not sure where my friend Bunkie falls in. Knowing him, he probably wouldn't care as long as I mentioned that he looks better in fuck me heels than any girl I know.) And as an alpha, being very protective of the people in my life, I stand for them against other women the same as they would for me if some big guy attacked me in an alley and I couldn't defend myself. It really is that simple.

Over time, the real feminist movement has been hijacked by a group of women who don't want equality, but rather superiority. That's why I don't generally call myself a feminist. The word no longer means what it originally did. The final straw for me was when NOW refused to even release a statement on behalf of Sarah Palin (regardless of what I may have thought of her as a candidate) during the '08 election. Everyone seemed to have something bad to say about her and her kids. And none of the feminist organizations stood up for her. Men did.

It just seems to me that the usefulness of the movement is now outweighed by the damage done. There was a time and place for women to stand together and demand equal rights. But that time passed long ago. There are federal statutes in place that aren't going anywhere. With the exception of women in combat arms specialties in the military, what else is left? We have the right to do anything else we please. And women in combat is not a good idea unless they are segregated from male platoons into platoons of their own and are willing to voluntarily get shots to keep them from having a period or getting pregnant for the duration of their service in that MOS. But that will never happen because someone would sue, no doubt.

Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own ideology that they can't see how much damage they are doing to their own cause. The facts get all confused and the truth of the situation goes right out the window. In the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, "Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies."

Editor's Note: The follow-up is now posted here.

Courting in the Modern World

2009-07-09T19:18:00.005-05:00

My family asks me a lot about my lack of a social life. (For some reason they refuse to accept my 2010 plan.) They always have someone to whom they wish to introduce me. I suppose being a single woman in her early thirties without children can be an appealing thing. So, they ask to fix me up on "dates" all the time. I never accept those offers. I don't believe in dating. I never really have which I suppose is why I've preferred friends to strangers. I believe in courting. There is a huge difference between the two.

I think most women do not have any clue as to their own worth and therefore don't insist upon a man taking time to get to know them on a personal level before taking the step of offering herself to him in some sort of intimate way. Maybe this is why I tend to become romantically involved with men who started off as a friend and then over time, after a thorough understanding of what the other believes and values, becomes more. Personally, if a man doesn't think me worthy of his friendship, I will never find him worthy of my heart (or my girlie bits).

A man I know once told me that because my standards are so high that it makes me more appealing to alpha males. Not because it's some sort of challenge (although that may play into it a little as well), but rather because it made him feel special that I would focus my attention on him. I tend to believe that. How could a man possibly feel special if a girl has three different "dates" in the same week? The bar obviously isn't set very high, now is it?

Most people probably have no idea what courting is in this society. And a lot of people would have absolutely no interest in it anyway. After all, it will not lead to a one-night-stand or an easy hook-up. As Andreas Capellanus wrote in the 12th century, "The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized." A woman who has no idea of her worth will never be capable of convincing anyone else of it. The same goes for men. If a man is soft and gentle with everyone, it's nothing special when he shows that side to the woman in his life. If he is a hard man (think John Wayne) and he shows genuine affection and tenderness with you, it assures you that his feelings run deeper than the stirring in his trousers. It always makes me feel special when a tough man tells me I bring out sweetness in him. There are few compliments greater.

Courting is the act of a man showing a woman that he is capable of gentility even though his outward demeanor or profession might be a of harsh nature. However, in my experience, the men most capable and desiring of romance are those who have lifestyles in which very little exists. They desire the softness of a woman to balance them. Otherwise, there is no relief from the pressure and demands of their daily life. Maybe that's why I have not had a relationship with anyone who wasn't in the military since my divorce in my early twenties. The same principles that lead these men to serve their country are the ones I find so endearing in relationships (although it can be frustrating at times, too).

I'm sure it sounds like I am a very complicated girl. And in some ways, I definitely am and would likely not be worth the effort to the average man...which is absolutely fine. However, the thing I like most about courting is that it isn't as complicated as dating. Simple things mean a lot. A man asking to escort me home (not because he thinks he can come inside, but just to see me home safely). A man asking for something with my perfume on it to keep in his pillowcase so he can breathe it in while alone at night and think of me. A man who writes me long letters about his ideas and purpose in life...and if sweet things are added in there just about me, even better. A man who thinks of me when he is with his friends or in some kind of hostile environment and isn't afraid to show it by picking a flower or placing a phone call in front of them. A man who opens car doors and always stands when I leave or return to the table at dinner. A man who places my hand on his arm instead of putting his arm around my waist when out in public.

There's a certain forgotten grace to courting. Granted, it's definitely not for everyone. It's for those of us who are a bit nostalgic at heart. Most people would probably think there are more women who feel this way than men, but in my experience, it is just the opposite. I think men long for a time when they were allowed to be men. And most of all, a time when women valued themselves and the men who chose to spend time with them.

Editor's Note: If you are interested in reading the basic rules of courting during the time of the American Civil War, I found this very interesting and rather sweet.

Snatch-and-Grab Society

2009-07-04T13:58:00.000-05:00

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.

~Thomas Jefferson

As I've mentioned before, I grew up without money. But I possessed the knowledge that one day, if I worked hard enough or was smart enough to come up with a lucrative idea, I could change my circumstances. It was all up to me. I held the power to become anything I wanted. The only things holding me back were my own determination and imagination. It was a wonderful dream and I believed it. I never minded that the government didn't give me things just because I needed them. And I never minded seeing other people succeed while I struggled. Those success stories were my fuel. I didn't just want what they had. I wanted to be the kind of person who could build it and earn it for myself. That was always the drive for me...not the money.

I valued the fact that I lived in a country where capitalism was the driving force of the economy. I don't see that anymore. Now, I look around and find that apathy and mediocrity are the driving forces of our nation. Doing well for yourself is no longer a matter of what you can earn for yourself, but rather what you can take for yourself. It's become a snatch-and-grab society.

When our founding fathers sat down and wrote the Constitution, they did so having already been part of a society where the governing body was big and the people were small. They wrote it knowing the pitfalls that could present themselves when the government was given too much power. Unfortunately, there are those among us who view the Constitution as a living document, to be interpreted differently by everyone and changed freely at the whim of politicians who long ago sold out their constituents.

Today, I was to attend a Tea Party. Unfortunately, both of the vehicles I've been driving are at the mechanic's as the second broke down on me Friday. So, I won't get to participate. But for all those out there who resent the fact that we're all being forced into servitude by the Federal Reserve, the EPA, Congress, and the federal government, I hope you find a way to voice your opposition today to what is happening to our great nation. It is not about party lines or socio-economic groups. These changes being made will hurt all of us if you don't do something about it. The country is ours--at least for now--and we are the only ones with the power to take it back from the tyrannical government now in place.

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

2009-06-30T17:31:00.005-05:00

I grew up poor. Not middle class. Not blue collar. But country poor. From the age of seven I had callused hands every summer from a wood handled hoe. By eight, I could chicken fry a steak and make biscuits from scratch. By nine, I had my first gun. At twelve I had my first job and was working full time by the age of fifteen. I was taught that if you want something, you have to work for it. If you want dinner, you better go hoe a row. If you want a new outfit, you best get to sewing it. And if you want money, you have to work for it. I'm thankful for those lessons, regardless of how difficult they were to learn.

Most people could learn a thing or two by spending a little time in the country. And by country, I don't mean The Hamptons or Napa Valley or some Spa on the outskirts of Sedona. I mean forty miles from the nearest movie theater or fast food restaurant. But you know, it doesn't even have to be the country. Why not take some of that protected federal land in urban communities and till it. Instead of food stamps, why not let people have a patch of ground and access to all the supplies necessary to grow their own food? Give the able-bodied people a choice to work their own crops or find another way to put food on the table. That's the way everyone I knew did it when I was a kid. And we were all better for it. I'm one of those rare people who believes work and hardship build character.

I bring all of this up because I had a very interesting day today. The company I work for got offered a lot of work in Canada. So, I needed some blue collar workers with a certain set of skills who have (or could at least be eligible for) a passport. I had about seventy applications on my desk so I didn't think it would be a problem to fill the positions. In this economy, filling spots isn't generally difficult...or so I thought.

I picked up the phone and started calling applicants and I was terribly surprised at some of the responses I received. The line of work we do requires a lot of travel. Guys who apply and have experience in the field are well aware of that aspect of the job. Yet every guy I called today told me he wasn't interested in the position. They didn't want to go out of town and their unemployment still had months before it ran out. So, they would rather stay at home and do nothing than go out and earn a good living doing honest work. I don't get that. I don't get that at all!

I should ammend the statement that no one was interested. There were a couple of guys who said they would "think about it and call me back next week." I told them not to bother. If a man without a job cannot make up his mind within 24 hours as to whether or not he would like to be employed, I don't want him working there anyway. Can you imagine what he would be like in an emergency situation? I wouldn't even want to think about it. Someone would be dead for a couple of hours before he decided to call for help.

I decided by the end of the day that I probably wasn't the best person to be doing the hiring in this situation and turned it over to someone more accepting of apathy. I tend to subscribe to the John Wayne theory when filling a position. He had a great line in McLintock where he said, "I don't give jobs--I hire men." And on this day, there was a serious shortage of men.

Building A Better Breed of Feminist

2009-06-25T23:51:00.020-05:00

Many people who look at my life, or are forced to deal with my personality for more than a half hour, would probably label me a feminist. And to be truthful, in a lot of ways, I am. However, I am not the kind of feminist you would see marching through downtown San Francisco or even downtown Atlanta for that matter. I am the kind of feminist those women hate. I embrace my femininity and adore men for exactly what they are.

I honestly believe the modern day feminists have set our gender back rather than lift us up. Instead of building on the foundation that was already there, they ripped it all out and started over. And for the last forty years, women have been told that they are exactly the same as men. That there is no difference between the sexes. That we are all just as capable of each and every job. This is a disservice to women. Women have been led to believe that our skill sets are the same as those of men. However, at the same time, we have been told that men should make certain allowances for us if we cannot compete at the same level. Logically it isn't possible to have it both ways.

Women in corporate America have different benefits, such as guaranteed maternity leave. It really is not your employer's cross to bear if you get knocked up accidentally...or even worse, plan the pregnancy all the while counting on the fact that you can demand leave. I believe it is insanely unfair to force an employer to hold your job (while usually having to temp it out while you are gone), just so you can go off and be Mommy for a bit. It is a choice. So make the choice and deal with the repercussions of said decision. Save your vacation days and your sick days if you know you will need them when the baby comes. Then either go back to work or don't. But unless it was your boss who impregnated you, it's really not the company's problem.

Women in the military have a different set of physical fitness regulations all in the name of "fairness." I don't think the military should be forced to keep a separate set of standards because the women do not have the strength or physical endurance of the men. It's not as if they will be fighting two different enemies in two different wars. Do you really think the enemy will wait for the women to saunter across the field to find cover before opening fire? It's dangerous for them and their male counterparts who will be tasked with protecting them ultimately. I do not know a single Soldier or Marine in a combat arms MOS that thinks having women in the military is a good idea.

Don't misunderstand me, I don't believe that women are somehow less than men. I just happen to believe that we are good at different things. I think both sexes were given different strengths in order to make a better pair...to work better together than separately, to create a stronger society and more functional families. I think that in giving up their femininity, women make themselves weaker, not stronger.

"God made man stronger, but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met." ~Farrah Fawcett

I have to agree with Farrah there. The strength of a woman is not now, never has been, and never will be physical (unless she is one of those Russian women in the underground train stations that Henry Rollins seems to get hip-checked by all too frequently). The strength of a woman is her softness. Most modern day feminists would be amazed just how willing a man is to help her lift a heavy box or find an answer to a problem, not because they want to "dominate" her, but just to be helpful. And no decent man (and there are more of them than the feminists would have you believe), would be looking for anything other than a "thank you" and possibly a smile.

If I could teach the feminists one thing, it would be this: MEN ARE NOT THE ENEMY! Sure, there are some bastards among the whole, but there are a good number of bitches among the good women, too.

I believe in equal pay for equal work (equal being the key word there). I believe in a woman's right to be and do anything she wishes as long as it does not infringe upon the rights of another human being. I believe a woman can do a great job as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but I also believe there's nothing at all wrong with being a housewife and taking care of your husband if that's what you want to do. I think the whole point of women's liberation should be the ability to choose your own path. But that in no way gives women the right to step on men in the process. And unfortunately, that seems to be the way of things with modern feminists. That's why I don't label myself as one. I hate what they currently stand for.

Sexism is still very prevalent in our society. The thing that no one talks about is that the sexism that exists is no longer against women, but against men. Men are told that they have to be sensitive to the feelings of all women--not just the ones the care about. They are made to take special classes about harassment and curb their jokes and mannerisms in public. They even seem to carry themselves differently around women they do not know or trust. It's as if any man at any time is waiting for some feminist to turn around on the street and kick him in the balls. And to be quite frank, that would certainly be a more honest way for them to approach the situation.

What I want to know is when the good, decent women of the world are going to stand up to these bullies. The men can't do it without digging themselves a deeper hole. But why do good women stand by and let it happen? I, for one, am tired of it. I am tired of them calling themselves feminists. I am tired of them taking something that was meant to be uplifting and using it to denigrate others. I am tired of these women trying to strip me of my right to be feminine.

According to them, if I choose to take care of my man and wear heels and silk stockings then I am being abused by the male dominated culture. Maybe I LIKE taking care of my man. Maybe I ENJOY the way silk stockings feel. Maybe I FEEL sexy in heels. The way I see it, it's my right as a woman. It's my choice. And I choose to appreciate manly men. I choose to enjoy my girlie bits and I don't get the least little bit insulted when a man I care about enjoys those bits either. To be quite honest...I kinda enjoy the boy bits, too.

So, for any feminist who might happen upon this...you might want to think about something. There are a growing number of women like me in the world. And men are getting awfully tired of your shit. You have no charm. You have no real power. You only dominate the society because we have allowed it to this point.

The good women are getting fed up with you castrating our men. And guess what...men genuinely like us. We are sweet to them. And we never have to force them to let us lead the way. They do it happily...because they are busy holding the door for us as we walk in front of them. There is no fight. There is no coercion. There is no domination. There is no demand. Just a kind word, a gentle smile, and we are both happy. Modern feminists could learn a lot from a girl like me.

I think it's time that we women build a better breed of feminist. The kind of woman who excels in all she does, but doesn't step on others to get there. The kind of woman who doesn't push her femininity aside, but embraces it. The kind of woman who isn't afraid to admit that her strengths are different than those of her male counterpart. The kind of woman who embraces those differences. The kind of woman both men and women can admire.

The Return of AlphaScout

2009-06-23T21:40:00.005-05:00

There's this guy. He and I were an item at one time, but we had a big falling out and we hadn't spoken in a year and a half...until about a month ago when he deployed to Afghanistan. And then he called me and it suddenly hit me like a hammer just how much I had missed being part of his life. That may sound odd. Normally you would miss a person being part of your life, but it was always more than that with us. I got to be part of his world and that made me feel special because I thought so much of him and what he was doing. I liked being his cheerleader and from talking to him lately, it seems like that has been missing from his life, at least to a degree.

I consider myself a very strong, self-sufficient woman. I dominate most people because it is just my nature. So when I run into a man (I say man because I've never met a woman more dominant) that is stronger and more dominant than I am, I take notice. I find myself behaving differently than I normally do. A strong man makes it possible for me to not have to be so strong all the time and that has been an extremely rare (and wonderful) thing in my life. This man, we'll call him AlphaScout, there's something about him that should scare me...but doesn't. He and I just connect. We always have. The first time we ever talked on the phone, we talked all night long. I want to say it was something like eight hours. And there was nothing contrived about it. We just clicked. It's still like that...we just have baggage now, which happens in relationships of every kind.

I think there are people that we are just connected to. People that we are drawn to that are going to be in our lives. Those people will be placed in our path, sometimes repeatedly, by some invisible force regardless of our own plans for our lives. I think to fight that connection is pointless. People come and go from our lives. Sometimes it is a welcome thing and other times it feels like part of us has died when they leave. However, there are those people that even when they are gone, we can't get them out of our heads. Those people who we think of in dark moments or happy moments and wish we could share what is going on with them.

These connections rarely make sense. I don't think they are supposed to. Actually, I think the more absurd the connection seems to be, the more sincere it is. I think they are made to be absurd just to let us know how out of control of the situation we are. I also think that people with very dominant personalities will fight that as much as possible. I know I do.

To be honest, I missed AlphaScout. I didn't know how much though until he was back on my radar. He knows things about me (and knows how to stir parts of me up) that no one else does. I think sharing deep dark secrets is usually a dangerous thing. I don't do it with most people, even some of my closest friends. But he knows more than most. There have been people in my life I have been closer to, but for some reason, I wouldn't share with them the things I have shared with him. And I am pretty sure the same goes for him in respect to some of the things I know about him. I have no logical reason why.

There's just a connection, a bond. And as out of control as it may make me feel, I like knowing AlphaScout is my friend.

Maturity Is So Last Year

2009-06-20T16:00:00.010-05:00

I got a phone call yesterday at work from a lady who was in an accident with one of our trucks. This accident took place a year ago. She was given the contact information of our insurance company the day it happened. They called her and she never returned their call. This happened a few times and eventually, they stopped calling. Fast forward a year. Now the lady is irate because she suddenly wants her car fixed and the insurance company basically told her to go fuck herself. She never went and got an estimate, took pictures, or contacted/took the call of our agent. Now she wants my boss to pay for her car repairs completely out of pocket. All because she was too lazy to take care of this on her own by talking to the agent...now she wants someone else to fix--what has become solely--her problem.

This is a shining example of the mindset of many Americans today. It is the Hold My Hand/Rescue Me/Get Out of Jail Free mentality. What ever happened to personal responsibility?

If a person is too stupid and impetuous to look and see if there is water in a swimming pool before jumping head first off the high-dive, is it really the responsibility of the pool owner to point out that fact? If a woman walks into a bar, flashes her tits all night to anyone who will buy her a shot, and then lets some fool with a camera film it, can she really blame him for "taking advantage" when the video ends up on the internet? If a man sticks his dick in a worn out hole he knows he got at way too easily, and he is dumb enough not to use a condom, can he really blame the girl if he ends up with oozing sores on his boy bits?

At what point will people start taking responsibility for their own actions? At what point do we, as a society, stop allowing them to play the victim when their circumstances are the direct result of a bad decision they themselves have made? At what point do we stop allowing people to spend years wallowing in their own self-pity while we pat them on the head cooing, "Poor baby" at their every exaggerated complaint?

We have become a nation of whiners and petulant children. We fall and scrape our knee and instead of hopping back up and getting on with what we were doing, we lay in the floor pitching a temper-tantrum waiting for someone to come along, pick us up, cradle us in their arms, and tell us everything is going to be okay. Has it really come to this? How could we go from a nation of pioneers and revolutionaries to a country of apathetic bed-wetters?

It's sad to watch. People of this generation were raised to believe life owes them something other than opportunity. I grew up very poor. And I am thankful for that experience every day. It taught me to do more with less. It taught me to cherish what I have. It taught me to spend my time the way I spend my money...carefully and with purpose. It taught me to live within my means. Don't get me wrong, I would love more than anything to own my own home right now and I guarantee I could get a bank to sign off on it. But I can't afford it and I am honest enough with myself to know that. I don't crave material possessions the way most people I know do. I would rather use a plastic grocery bag to carry my things than own a $1500 purse.

But I digress. People these days seem to want to find someone else to blame for their problems. Is this really the kind of world we are all going to live in from here on out? Is this really acceptable? Is this really what we will teach the children of the next generation? And if so...who will be left to take care of them? Because they damn sure will never be capable of taking care of themselves.

Heavy Metal Banging

2009-06-13T18:46:00.007-05:00

Some people might find it odd that I am sitting in my living room watching the kids' movie, "Happy Feet" while writing a post about chrome anal beads. I am a walking dichotomy. You might as well know that from the beginning.

I am a hopeless romantic who loves being fucked in the ass. My idea of a romantic evening is laying by a crackling fire on a soft plush rug basking in the warmth of the tongue up my ass. Maybe it's just me, but nothing says "I love you" quite like a guy spending an hour giving my colon a thorough cleaning with his tongue. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I am above an evening of spitting in a man's ass and telling him how much better it tastes than my last boyfriend's ass. But I'm just a giving person that way.

However, when there is no significant other in my life, I do have a handy dandy supply of sex toys that could make a porn star jealous. The chrome balls in the picture are my latest addition. I like to have a good variety so just in case I suddenly get the urge to give my nipples some electroshock therapy, I am equipped to do so. The new balls are for just such a surprise situation. Should I feel the need to shove two solid pounds of steel into my ass before hoping on the back of my friend's motorcycle, I can do that. What can I say? I was a Girl Scout.

Regardless of how many toys I have though, I tend to use the same two most of the time. The world renowned Hitachi Magic Wand and my favorite for penetration, the pink acrylic toy in the picture. I don't remember what it was called, but I do really enjoy it. It's not all that thick and the balls on the end create a great sensation when going in and out. Not to mention the little crook on the end works as a great handle for ease of use. For some reason, that particular toy gives me more gushing orgasms than anything else ever has. It can do it fairly quickly at that. So, when I opt for the pink toy, I know I better have a towel under me...or at least a willing partner's face. Also, I've heard from a special friend before that the "popping" noises caused by those little balls on the end are quite a turn on. Did I mention the easy cleanup? It's acrylic...soap and water and you're done. No wrapping it up in plastic wrap. No boiling. No worrying about proper storage. Just wash it and throw it in a drawer. Doesn't get much simpler.

I find that I don't use the kinkiest of toys when I am alone. For some reason, the excitement just isn't there. I guess I have a hard time making myself feel like a dirty little girl. I think the stranger the sex toy, the better it is for a couple though. Then you get to share a secret. That secret is the sexy part of most sex toy play for partners in my opinion.

I miss those secrets. The secrets between lovers. I made a pact with myself after my last breakup that I wouldn't get involved in a romantic relationship until 2010. I made that pact in early 2008. I thought I needed some time to work on my career. I was right to do that and it has turned out to be a good move for me personally. However, orgasms are never as good when you're forced to go solo.

But for now...my toys are helpful.

Lean, Mean, and Green

2009-06-01T22:27:00.016-05:00

Do you ever have those days where you wake up feeling like someone dropped a house on you? Or maybe you just wish they would so you would have an excuse for feeling like shit and not wanting to push your tired bones out of bed? That was this morning for me. Of course, there seem to be a lot of mornings like that lately. Not that I am complaining. I try not to do that too much. I am well aware that my life could be much worse. It has been worse. And to be honest, I am a pretty simple girl. It doesn't take much to pacify me. But I still feel like I'm waiting on some psychotic little twit with doe eyes and taped down boobs to drop her house on my head! Sometimes I wonder if there aren't some ex's who would even do a little song and dance number with their hands full of lollipops and mouths full of gravel should death by domicile occur.

You know, to be perfectly honest, I always felt a little sorry for the Wicked Witch of the East (the one the house fell on). Her sister got all the cool stuff. She had a kickass castle in the middle of an enchanted forest, guarded by a bunch of deep voiced soldiers who called themselves Winkies. She had flying monkeys that were like a weird genetic experiment that made them part carrier pigeon, part bounty hunter, and part 18th Century gargoyle. She could throw fire. She was green so you have to imagine the whole skin cancer thing probably wasn't an issue. And you know, if she ever found herself a man, she would know that he loved her for who she was...or was just afraid of her, which I suppose would be fine with her too.

(However, her high greenness probably did need to get laid. Of course, she did command the Winkies...so maybe she was. Now that's a porno that needs to be made! Come to think of it, of all the porn spoofs of famous movies, that's one I've never seen done...)

I was never really one to rout for Dorothy. She was a little too "Damsel in Distress" for me. I mean really, it took her all of half a day to start picking up a collection of men to protect her and guide her. The only other chick in Oz who had any power and wasn't trying to kill her, wouldn't help her at all. She just floated around in her shiny little bubble popping in every now and then but never when she was really needed. And when she did decide to grace Dorothy with her ethereal presence, it was just to point out the obvious or give her stupid little platitudes...or mock her about how she was too dumb to realize she had the power all along. The blonde bitch in all the pink organza could have mentioned that shit back in Munchkinland! I gotta say, I don't think Glinda was such a good witch! She seems a little like a sadist to me. Why else put Dorothy through all that danger and fear unless she secretly got off on it?

Maybe I just feel a certain kinship with the Wicked Witch of the West. I think she was very misunderstood. I can empathize with that. My Uncles all call me "The Bitch." Which is odd since I have never been anything but nice to them and take care of their parents every day. But they think I am cold because I don't let people get close...at least not that they see. And I admit, there are very few people who get past the walls. But I am one of those rare individuals who believes once someone is behind the wall, they will always have the key and will always be part of my life. So, I am carefully selective. However, I am not outright mean to anyone. I believe that if a person says or does horrible things to another person that says more about the person's character speaking the awful words than the person they are being said about. I'm not perfect though. I do slip up from time to time, but if I say something bad about someone else, it is usually someone who has hurt someone I love. I am an alpha. I am extremely protective and don't take kindly to someone hurting the people I care about...not kindly at all!

That having been said, I can totally understand why the Wicked Witch of the West would want to hunt down that bitch Dorothy and send her monkeys after her little band of lovable idiots. Not only did the coy little broad kill her sister, but before the body was even cold, she was wearing her shoes and taunting her with her silly songs and skipping. I'm pretty sure that would piss me off too.

You can never really know what is going on in a stranger's head. Hell, half the time you have no idea what is going on in the head of people you have known all your life. But I suppose that's what makes people interesting. I gotta say I would sure as hell rather have a drink (and/or a shag) with the Wicked Witch than all those other whiny bitches put together.

100 Things About Me

2009-05-25T19:02:00.004-05:00

1. I’m in my early thirties, but look younger and think older.

2. When I was in second grade I was obsessed with Cyndi Lauper, and that obsession continues as an adult partly because her voice is still higher and younger sounding than mine and it makes me feel more normal.

3. I have at least two full bookcases in each room of my house (except the bathroom).

4. I am paranoid at times and rightfully cautious at others. Coincidentally, those two things are often very much alike—differing only by the motives of others involved.

5. I find it endearing if a man I care about jokingly calls me a tart or strumpet, but I become livid if he uses the words slut or whore to describe me (even in a purely sexual or comic situation).

6. Sometimes when I’m sad I put on the album Flood by They Might Be Giants and do a little dance while singing along. It’s hard to be sad when you sing the words, “I’m your little friend, I’m not your only friend, but I’m your little glowing friend, but really I’m not actually your friend, but I am…”

7. I love driving a convertible, but mainly put the top down at night rather than during daylight hours.

8. I think The Black Keys are the future of Blues.

9. I get weak in the knees for men who can fight full contact. Not for the bad boys or psychos…just the protective alpha male type.

10. I can recite the Preamble to the Constitution but only because of Schoolhouse Rock.

11. I do not use credit cards. I don’t even own one. I have a debit card and a small savings account. If I can’t afford something, I do not buy it regardless of how much I may want or even need it.

12. I love to cook but rarely do it because I don’t have anyone to cook for most of the time.

13. I love those hugs that are so tight that you would swear the other person was trying to pull you, chest first, into their own rib cage. I don’t think there is anything more comforting than that when you are suffering.

14. I have a wickedly dark sense of humor but am also a hopeless romantic. Some people think that's a very odd combination but it makes total sense to me.

15. I love the smell of pipe tobacco. It reminds me of my favorite uncle growing up.

16. I love gardening but I don’t do it all that much because I am always afraid I’m going to step on a snake.

17. My favorite color is black, followed closely by blood red.

18. When I am in love, there is nothing I won’t do or sacrifice for that love.

19. One of my biggest pet peeves is the misuse of there/their/they’re.

20. I still dream of a knight in shining armor…not to save me from any monsters, but to save me from loneliness.

21. I haven’t smoked a cigarette in over nine years. I still miss the way it felt to hold one between my fingers…but that’s all I miss about it.

22. I’m a very kinky girl sexually, but my fantasies are usually extremely vanilla.

23. I’ve slept on concrete beneath a freeway overpass more nights than I would care to remember.

24. I have loved and been loved ‘till death did us part.

25. I am an insomniac and at least once a week I go to work so exhausted that I get dizzy every time I stand up and have a headache all day.

26. I believe putting your elderly parents or grandparents into a nursing home should be the absolute last resort unless they become a danger to themselves or others.

27. I love being an aunt, but don’t regret not being a mommy. But I think I could handle being a stepmother to grown kids. I couldn’t fuck them up that way.

28. I sleep sideways across the bed when I am alone. I even arrange the pillows along the side.

29. I believe in courting…not dating. It is a lost art.

30. At times, I have suspended reason to keep it from interfering with romance. I believe that is the sign of a true romantic.

31. Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's magical to me. If I ever remarry, I want a Halloween night wedding outdoors.

32. I learned to drive in a cemetery.

33. I hate pantyhose. I only wear stockings and garterbelts.

34. I think men in military uniforms are hot. Especially if they are wearing gloves and swords.

35. I own firearms and know how to use them and therefore have a hard time with the idea of a man who cannot fire a weapon.

36. I have 1000 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets on my bed. I buy new sets once a year the day after Thanksgiving because someone always has them on sale for under $50 on Black Friday.

37. I seem to have an addiction to candles. No matter how many I have, I still want more.

38. I feel the same way about shoes and jewelry.

39. I was a huge fan of the show Dharma and Greg. Not because I thought it was a particularly good show, but rather I liked the idea that they fell in love and got married on the first night they met. It appealed to the impulsive romantic in me.

40. My favorite flower is the Parrot Tulip.

41. My pride, and inability to ask for help when needed, has at times gotten in the way of my own happiness.

42. I collect tarot card sets .

43. I also collect sex toys…although I have one or two that I use pretty regularly, the rest stay in the toy chest. I just like knowing I have them.

44. I am a relationship kind of girl but marriage has to be on the table. I won’t be in a relationship with someone who is opposed to marriage. I have no desire to be someone’s girlfriend for the rest of my life with no possibility of being more. If after a year and a half at most, we haven’t at least had a very serious talk about marriage, we never will. And it’s time to evaluate the functionality of the relationship.

45. I believe love is a verb. It requires action.

46. I think men should do the grilling. I can’t fully respect a man if he can’t handle the barbeque grill.

47. One of my dirty little secrets is that I have always wanted to do a black and white artfully done intimate photo shoot with a man that I love. I kinda doubt I ever will though.

48. I don’t take well to ultimatums. I will go out of my way to see to it that any demands made of me in that way are never met.

49. Like all good Southerners, I put salt on cantaloupe and watermelon.

50. Porn doesn’t bother me at all. I have a rather large collection of it myself. But if I found out a guy I was dating owned Girls Gone Wild DVDs, I would seriously reconsider the relationship.

51. I will not consider dating anyone who is not an alpha. I can’t date someone I could dominate and my personality is such that it just happens with non-alphas…even when I try not to.

52. I believe in goodbye kisses at the door in the morning that last no less than 30 seconds. I don’t think a quick peck on the lips should be for lovers. That’s for your grandmother.

53. When I was a kid, I worried that my cat had a camera in its head and was spying on me when I was doing something I shouldn’t have been doing.

54. I believe bathroom time is private time. I don’t talk through doors and I especially do not leave bathroom doors open. And I don’t find anything amusing or witty about asking someone, “Everything come out okay?” upon their return from the restroom.

55. I hate thong panties. I would rather go commando if that’s the only underwear option.

56. I can’t play chess but I’ve always wanted to learn.

57. I prefer snuggling on the couch in front of a fireplace, watching romantic movies with someone I care about to going out drinking, dancing, or partying.

58. Men should have chest hair, in my opinion. I like to twirl my fingers through it while cuddling.

59. I am not a fan of the feminization of men. I think there is something very sexy about masculinity and hate to see it treated like something that needs to be “fixed.”

60. I am a yard sale and second hand/thrift/consignment store junkie.

61. I love Art Deco and Hollywood Regency style. If you don’t know what that is, you probably don’t watch HGTV.

62. I love going to comedy clubs and dingy blues bars. But I’m not a fan of huge crowds and big stadium shows.

63. Autumn is my favorite season. I love the colors and smells.

64. I love the smell of leather and the feel of it against bare skin.

65. I live to love.

66. I believe serving your country is the most honorable profession to which a man can aspire.

67. I don’t understand the attraction so many women have to Brad Pitt. He is not the least bit appealing to me.

68. Love letters are my favorite thing about courting. When you date you get email. When you are courted, you get handwritten love letters.

69. My empathy for others is sometimes crippling.

70. If a man doesn’t hold the door for any woman, open my car door when we’re out, and pull out my chair for me at dinner, he’s probably not the man for me.

71. I believe a true gentleman is a rare and wonderful thing in this world and should be cherished and adored when found.

72. Kitchen gadgets are my weakness. I could spend a fortune at Williams-Sonoma.

73. I carry embroidered linen handkerchiefs with me at all times. On special occasions I carry one that belonged to my great great grandmother.

74. I am incredibly sentimental.

75. I don’t care what the PETA folks say, I think fur coats are beautiful. Luckily for the animals, even if I could afford one, I could never justify spending that kind of money on an article of clothing.

76. I love it when a man puts his hands on the sides of my face when he leans in to kiss me. Those few seconds of anticipatory bliss are the reason poetry was invented.

77. I sleep in knee socks almost every night.

78. I’m a libertarian. I believe the government is best when it stays out of my wallet and my bedroom. Its purpose should be to keep chaos from ensuing and defend and protect our country. Aside from that, most things are better handled by the private sector.

79. Like every other alpha, I am a control freak. For that reason, I never overindulge in alcohol. I hate that feeling of being out of control.

80. I am a huge fan of phone sex. I love the way a man sounds when he cums. And what he says immediately after or before is quite telling. Of course, it would be in poor taste to discuss whatever he says later.

81. I very rarely call men. I’m pretty old fashioned that way. However, I will let it be known to them if I really want them to call me.

82. I hope I live long enough and at some point have the financial resources to be able to take one trip into space.

83. I also hope at some point I can take a few months and take a huge roadtrip all over the United States without getting on the freeway. I love roadtrips, especially if I have someone great to share it with.

84. Some of the best times of my life were with gay men. Plus, some of the best moves/ideas in my sexual repertoire were tips from gay men. Every straight girl should have gay friends.

85. Seeing The Ramones play live changed my life.

86. I love wearing hats and gloves, especially in the Spring and Summer. I think it’s a trend that should never have gone out of style.

87. My expectations for the human population are probably too high. I do not understand the reason for being cruel to others without cause or being rude to strangers. I think kindness is always a better approach than bitterness. You never know what someone else’s story is.

88. Nothing turns me off faster than superficiality.

89. I think the things you say about your ex’s post-breakup says more about your character than theirs.

90. I believe kisses from the right person can solve any problem…even if just momentarily.

91. I believe fairytales are true just as long as you believe in them.

92. I’ve never been ice skating.

93. I dated a girl for a while. It was nice, but something very important was missing…

94. Very little feels as great as playing outside in a rainstorm in springtime.

95. I had never tasted lobster until I was twenty-one. It became my favorite food with the very first bite.

96. I think The Divine can be found in the small things much easier than the big ones. Like wind blowing through your hair on a warm day. Or a bird singing outside the bedroom window on a morning you just don’t think you can fight your way out of bed. Or the sound of a friend’s voice on the other end of the phone when you are too weak and beaten down by the world to reach out to them.

97. Babies, the elderly, and animals all love me. Everyone else…it’s hit or miss.

98. I’ve lost a lot of people who were very close to me. But when my grandparents die, it will hit me harder than anyone will know. They have always been my favorite people on the planet. (I even cried writing that sentence.)

99. I want to take ballroom dancing lessons one day but only when I have a partner. Letting some random guy touch me that way would freak me out a bit.

100. I am an alpha romantic. I won't be a consolation prize where matters of the heart are concerned. I don't share well.